My Weirdest Dream Yet
by olrayt
Summary: A dream in which I had ninja powers!


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, Super Mario, the Jordan Brand. They are owned by their respective owners (yes) Ü

I woke up in a strange bed. The indentation by my side told me that I didn't sleep alone. Now who is she? I can't remember. Heck, I do hope she's a she and not…

A door opened, and I looked. There she was, an ugly motherfucker, skin almost looked like it was rotting.

I must have been so tanked last night to sleep with that.

"Hey babe," I said, hopefully the start of a very short conversation.

She didn't reply. Instead she gave a guttural sound and slowly walked towards the bed, her arms outstretched as if in, in what?

What the fuck, she wants more?

"Look babe, I really have to go. I have this, uhm, thing at this, place. I gotta meet this dude…" I said, futile excuses.

Her arms still outstretched, she walked. I was ready to give her a goodbye peck on the cheek when she grabbed my shoulders. Her hands felt ice cold.

What the… this isn't right.

She moved to bite me.

I immediately jumped away. Surprised at my own agility, I quickly sidestepped her and got out the door.

Shit, she looks just like a…

I pushed the button for the elevator. The down arrow won't light. Of all the days…

Taking three to four steps at a time, I finished going down the stairs in a hurry. I opened the door, eager to escape my erstwhile love interest's icy love bite.

I didn't notice them immediately. I closed my eyes and took in the warm sunshine and the fresh city air. When I opened my eyes I got the shock of my life.

Surrounding me were hundreds, maybe thousands of zombies.

They were all looking at me. With dead eyes. Hungry eyes. Dead hungry eyes.

Ever so slowly they walked towards me. Many of them had missing appendages. Some looked to be at least dead for three days. What does a three-day old corpse look like? I immediately dismissed the futile thought as I tried to think of what to do. They were moving closer.

I slapped my forehead in desperation, and was shocked that my hand met a metallic object. I removed the metal thing on my forehead. It was a forehead protector. Straight from Naruto.

I've been watching too much of that shit. Still I felt somehow different, as if I had chakra. What, me? A ninja? Where was I last night, a costume party? I looked at my clothes. I looked nothing like the characters on Naruto. Why the forehead protector, then? And what hidden village is this symbol?

The zombies' guttural cries for brains or whatever snapped me from my reverie. One or twenty of them were about ten feet away. Faster than I could ever imagine I moved, giving them kicks, well-placed punches, and head butts. My movements, too fast for ordinary humans, were simply lightning to these slow zombies.

On last count I dispatched about two hundred zombies. Yet more were coming at me, pouring out of buildings. Shit I have to do something better.

Out of pure instinct I made a hand gesture. Suddenly about two-dozen copies of myself appeared, each with independent thought, but still under my command.

Fire at will.

I stood there in the center of my self-made shield. Copies of myself were killing scores of the undead. But one was bitten. In a puff of smoke that copy of myself disappeared.

I, or at least the copies of myself, were good, but there were simply too many of these zombies. One by one my copies disappeared. Still the undead kept appearing out of buildings, like in WarCraft.

Shit gotta stop playing that game too. Besides, they, whoever they are, need to summon more ziggurats to have that many undead.

Only I, the original me, was left. What to do, what to do…

I suddenly jumped up, way, way higher than Michael Jordan could ever hope to jump. Making more of the hand gestures I blew a great, huge, elephantine, gargantuan, mammoth flame from my mouth. I aimed at the zombies.

Cool, I could do Naruto's and Sasuke's signature jutsus. And I'm as fast as Rock Lee.

I was still going up. I held on to the side of the building. Amazing thing, this chakra. The fire I made continued to burn. The zombies' guttural cries lessened.

After what seemed an eternity the fire stopped burning. To my dismay there were still a considerable number of zombies. And the buildings kept belching out more. Much more. I was fresh out of ideas. Without warning a hand clutched my shoulder. I looked behind me. A zombie was in the room where I was hanging from. I tried to escape, but its grip was too strong…

"Hoy. Hoooy. HOOOY!!!"

I woke up. Where's that fucking zombie? I cautiously opened my eyes. The TV in front of me was still playing a Naruto DVD. At the nearby PC my cousin was playing WarCraft.

"You were shouting in your sleep. Are you all right?" another of my cousins said.

"Well, yes, I guess," I said.

"You were shouting Japanese words in your sleep."

"Was I?" I switched off the DVD.


End file.
